يوميات مبرمج

[Hironobu Sakaguchi]

هذه النكتة بصراحة بطراااااااااااااااااااااااااااانة خصوصا للناس الي زيي يدرسوا او يفهموا كمبيوتر .... حبيت اشارككم فيها واترقب انطباعاتكم على احر من الجمر :laugh: ​

الزوج: (راجع من شغله متأخر) : مساء الخير يا حبيبتي ... I’m Logged in

الزوجة : اشتريت الحاجات اللي قلتلك عليها؟

الزوج : Bad command or filename

الزوجة : بس أنا قلتلك عليهم الصبح !!

الزوج : ?Syntax Error, Abort

الزوجة : طب ايه أخبار العربية اللي انت وعدتني بيها؟

الزوج : Variable Not Found

الزوجة : طب ابأه اديني الـ Credit Card بتاعك عشان عايزة أشتري حاجات

الزوج : Sharing violation ... Access Denied

الزوجة : أنت بتحبني بجد ؟ و لا انت بتحب الكمبيوتر بتاعك ده ؟ و لا أنت بتحاول تستظرف ؟

الزوج : Too many Parameters

الزوجة : دي كانت غلطة كبيرة جدا إني اتجوزت واحد مجنون زيك

الزوج : Data Type Mismatch

الزوجة : أنت مافيش منك رجا

الزوج: It’s by Default

الزوجة : طب ايه أخبار المرتب بتاعك؟

الزوج : File in use ... Try Later

الزوجة : تقدر تقول لي أنا ايه قيمتي في البيت ده؟

الزوج : Unknown Virus

الزوجه : طيب ما تنساش تجيب الحاجات بكرة

الزوج : Not enough memory

الزوجه : احنا بقالنا كتير منخرجش نتمشى مع بعض

الزوج : Hardware not compatible

الزوجه : حسيبلك البيت وحروح عند اهلي

الزوج : Logout successfully

الزوجه : حجيبلك ابويا يوريك شغلك

الزوج : Unexpected error


​

لزيادة التسلية: ايش رأيكم تحاولوا تركبوا مصطلحات مشابة في جمل ظريفة من عنكم؟ ::

انا حبدأ برد جديد :kiss:

​

​

 

[Hironobu Sakaguchi]

انا مستوحي المقطع هذا من شغلي مع شركات الدعاية, Enjoy

انا: السلام عليكم..... الراتب لو سمحت :moneymouth:

المحاسب: Transfere is Starting :cooool:

انا: في انتظار الراتب :moneymouth:

المحاسب: Transfere Is Complete :cooool:

انا: اعد الفلوس :moneymouth: , الراتب ناقص :cryy:

المحاسب: Transfere Has Been Inturrupted, Please Try Later :normal:

انا::gasp::roll: :normal: :sealed: :evil: :cryy: ​

مشي حالك, ايش رايكم؟

ورونا شطارتكم ::

 

[ZiZ]

======================================================

1) A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I'm the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."
The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."
The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."
The programmer then said, "Well, I'm a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"
Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."

=====================================================

2) Why is a good programmer like a Knight?
They both live by their code.

=====================================================

3) Q: Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
A: Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

=====================================================

4) A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem.
The project manager said: "Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination."
The computer programmer said: "We have here the driver's guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."
The computer operator said: "First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem."
Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: "Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."

=====================================================

5) The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover : "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!"
The boy replies back : "Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."

=====================================================

6) Murphy's Laws of Computing*
When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
When the going gets tough, upgrade.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.

=====================================================

7) There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control. Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff. They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed. The manager said "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution." The engineer said "No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it." The programmer said "I think you're both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again." ...

=====================================================

8) Q: Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis?
A: Because it is below C level.

=====================================================

9) "Have you heard about the object-oriented way to become wealthy?"
"No..."
"Inheritance!"

=====================================================

10) The doctor took his patient into his office and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The patient said, "Give me the good news."
The doctor said, "They're going to name a disease after you."

=====================================================​

 

[Hironobu Sakaguchi]

يوشي وات ازز ذس؟

مشوار لين ما اقراهم

الله يستر

ما قلتلي, ايش رايك بالمبرمج؟(الي بالنكتة؟_)

 

[Double T]

He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

لوووووووووول هذي خطيره ... و قد صارت لي كثير اكون اشتغل او العب و يطفي الجهاز

10) The doctor took his patient into his office and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The patient said, "Give me the good news."
The doctor said, "They're going to name a disease after you."

لووووول حلوه حأستخدمها مستقبلا

 

[Isaac]

ههههههه يوشي :yuck: